CCM Magazine
May, 2002
By Matthew Turner
Amy Grant has a legacy to share. It’s a legacy rooted in her faith. The very essence of her past is her devotion to Christ. She realizes now more than ever the importance of growing up in a Christian home and church—an idea that for some time may have been taken for granted. "I realize now the sense of place and belonging and security that my parents provided me through church all of those Sunday mornings, Sunday nights and Wednesday nights." Now at age 41, Grant has a new fervor for her faith and how it’s shaping her, not only as an artist, but also as a wife, a mother and a child of God. She’s anxious to return to the spotlight and help others connect with this legacy.
As with any artist, Amy’s return to the spotlight carries responsibility. Grant realizes that there are many who are still hurt by some of her decisions of the last several years. The report of Amy’s filing for divorce from singer/songwriter Gary Chapman was national news in March1999. And soon after the shock of Amy and Gary’s split was starting to dissipate, her seemingly rushed marriage to Vince Gill in March of 2000 made Grant once again a magnet for criticism.
Reactions to Grant’s divorce and remarriage are varied. Some Christian radio stations still refuse to play her music. Internet forums are abuzz with opinions, commentary and prayers for Amy. And just when she finally thought the contention was dying down, picketers decided to launch an anti-divorce demonstration at one of Amy and Vince’s "Christmas to Remember" concerts this past December.
"The first thing I would say is, ‘I’m sorry,’" says Grant, if she were given the chance to respond to those who still feel betrayed, confused and outright angry because of her divorce and remarriage. Over a simple lunch of corn chowder and sandwiches, Grant speaks frankly about her struggles. "I did the best I could, and in some arenas, my best was not good enough," summing up her somewhat blemished past. "I’ve made some bad choices."
Faith, Forgiveness and Healing
Each of us will leave a legacy. The difference we make in others’ lives (both good and bad) and the memories we leave (both good and bad) will define our personal legacies. Grant’s legacy reveals a journey of healing, faith and forgiveness. The singer admits it’s difficult sometimes to talk about her faith in light of the past four years. It can be hard to see the work of God’s forgiveness and grace in the midst of public shame, anger and accusations. "It took me a long time before I could pray with my kids again," she says honestly. "Especially with divorce in a Christian setting. I often thought, ‘So God can fix everything; why can’t He fix this?’ Life is often messy. It may sound flippant to say, ‘That’s why we need Jesus.’ But it really is the truth."
Grant says she now finds evidence of that truth in the attributes of God that, for her, have seemed the least tangible from a human standpoint. "Forgiveness, mercy and grace mean something to me that at one time I thought was unbelievable. Especially the ability to forgive yourself, which is probably the final hurdle. For the most part, I think I have." But she adds with a contemplative smile, "Probably 20 years from now I will feel in some new way the impact and the weight of some of my choices and how they played out in life, and I’ll then have to forgive myself for many more things."
Healing has come as Grant has confronted her own weaknesses and found strength in God’s love and protection. This healing is evident in a song she wrote, "What You Already Own," found on her new album. "I give you my heart, broken and bruised/But still beating strong and wanting to trust you/I know I’m unfaithful/I know I do wrong/Do you protect what you already own?" These lyrics paint a picture of a woman who has an understanding of who she is as a Christian needing forgiveness. But the song resolves with hope and commitment. The assurance of God’s forgiveness and grace becomes a resounding answer to the question she poses in the song: "I will be faithful/Help me be strong/’Cause You will protect what You already own."
a legacy of influence
Amy’s legacy will include more than personal healing and renewal. Her success has opened doors to help many people. The values she learned early in life, what she calls her "roots," move her to use what God has given her to make a difference.
Perhaps it is her emotional transparency that contributes to Grant’s influence. With her ever-apparent Southern drawl, she speaks somewhat uncertainly about the impact she is having.
"I don’t really think that way [about my influence]. I inherited from my father a natural form of oblivion," says Grant with an awkward smile. "It feels strange to even comment, because if I have commentary on my personal influence, then obviously I’ve thought about it. And I really haven’t."
A singer who has sold 22 million records, received numerous music awards and supported charities and non-profits with her time and money has never even thought about her influence on the world?
"I feel like I have responded to the opportunities that have come to me," Amy persists. "It would be awfully cold-hearted for me to not do so." She is pretty emphatic about not taking her success too seriously. "I have to sometimes laugh at the attitude that says, ‘I’m influential.’ Give me a break. No one is that influential except for Jesus."
Working with charities such as Habitat for Humanity and St. Jude’s Hospital in Memphis, Tenn., is one of the many ways Grant has reached out and helped people. But she doesn’t really consider her service to charity something that’s part of her influence as a performer; it’s part of her life as a believer. "I wasn’t born any more altruistic than anybody else," she says. It’s just that her job as an artist—especially as a successful one—has given her more opportunity to be exposed to the needs in the world. And having once been exposed to the depth of those needs, she adds, "anybody would respond."
"I think we all have the greatest influence when we are completely oblivious to it," Grant adds. "And it only happens at those moments when we don’t know we are being observed. I think the times when we are really trying to make an impact, we probably have a more overwhelming sense of our own self-importance."
happiness and the future
Today, Amy is happy. She has been married to Gill for a little over two years, and she can’t help but smile when she says, "I feel like the most loved woman who ever lived." She respects her husband on many levels. "I admire him for his character, his mind, his giftedness, his love for people and his love for life," she enthuses. "At every turn he makes me know that what I bring to the table is enough, more than enough. Am I happy? Yes! I am happy and at peace." The couple welcomed their first child together in March of 2001, when Grant was 40. "I am thrilled to have had Corrina at 40," says Amy. "She is happy and contented and impossible not to love—a precious glue for a blended family."
Amy and Vince’s blended family carries an ongoing commitment to the local church. Their pastor, Dr. Mack Hannah, who now serves as vice president of spiritual development at Belmont University, spoke highly of their involvement in the church when he was their pastor. "They were very commited. They were there when they were in town and, surprisingly, were there two weeks after Corrina was born. The church is a central thing for their family. It’s not for show."
Although Amy is happy with where she is now, she does admit to having thought of leaving her life as an artist. "I had to make a conscious effort not to say, ‘This is it. I’ll do a couple of kids’ records and fade out into the sunset,’" she confesses. "But instead I thought, ‘I’m going to try to write the best songs I have ever written, sing better than I have ever sung, and get on the blasted tread mill’—because I was 160 pounds after I had my fourth child at 40," she adds with a laugh. Then she continues in a more serious tone, "I still want to make music."
Her passion to "make music" is finding expression in the making of the album, Legacy: Hymns and Faith (Word). Recording this album, she asserts, has been a beautiful reminder of grace. "I loved Jesus when I was a kid," she says. "And that was when my track record was great. To go back and sing these songs now, after I have lived a lot of life and had more snot-cries than I can count—to now recollect myself and say, ‘His faithfulness is an amazing sight to behold’—that’s why it has been so emotional."
It’s basic ideals like helping others, vulnerability, grace, forgiveness and most importantly, devotion to Christ that will define Amy’s legacy. She has discovered that God can often bring good from our failures if we will acknowledge our shortcomings and our need for His grace. Amy is quick to point to that grace in all aspects of her life.
"I was singing ‘My Jesus, I Love Thee,’" she remembers, "and there’s a lyric in the last verse that says, ‘I’ll sing with a glittering crown on my head.’" There is humility in Amy’s face as she reflects, "Here I am, somebody who’s endured some public shame, and now I’m singing at the top of my lungs about worshiping God with a glittering crown. And I thought, ‘This is so gutsy of me to be singing this.’ But that’s the miracle of it all. His grace. And it’s not a cheap grace; it’s doing the best I can and realizing that my best was not good enough… but His was."
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